Poem of Lament: Living within Chaos

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A few words

A poem of lament written while reflecting over pieces of my life that appeared hopeless and — well — chaotic. During these depressing times I felt low self-worth and questioned God and God’s involvement in my life. While distressing these moments did grant me opportunities to allow me to reframe how I view and approach God, discover deeper gifts within myself, and gain a measure of peace while sitting with uncertainty.

Poem of Lament: Living within Chaos

Chaos is a part of every life,
Its broken serrated edges cut deeply as a knife.
Taking away my state of normalcy,
Obliterating any of my confident certainty.

For a time my journey seems terrible,
Then eventually unbearable.
Rage soon fills my inner wells,
Signaling a cacophony of my heart’s bells.

“This plight? What a dreary soul’s night!”
“I want to take this chaos on in a fight!”
“Where are you God within this despair?!”
“Where are you God within my prayer?!”
“Be not silent!”
“Come and hear me!”
“Be not still!”
“Sit right near me!”
“Empower me!”

Through the darkness,
Arises a glimmer of inner strength.
Deep within me I hear a growl,
As vague awareness of entwined gifts cry out.
They grant me a spirited howl.

A reprieve of peace is granted.
“Though I see them not,”
“I know that powers lay embedded within me!”
“Though my inner self feels twisted in knots,”
“I know there is potential screaming to be set free!”

“God! Now I sense your great presence,”
“Teach me,”
“Help me to see.”
“Show your slow learning student how to be.”
“Grant me the insight to move through the darkness,”
“Help me to see the beauty within this harshness.”
“Within life’s incontinuity,”
“Grant me peace as I sit within the ambiguity.”

“You are the Creator,”
“You call me alongside you to be a co-creator,”
“Help me to see,”
“Teach me to be,”
“I want to use the gifts that you have placed within me.”


© M. Keith Sartin, Jr.

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